Tag Archives: understanding

Hat

Years ago:
I had a hat and a waistcoat.
I put them on, picked up my instrument, and went to work.

It was raw craft, at first. I had a little skill with words and so I used them to hide the flubs.
Raw craft … and then

I missed my mother. I was unhappy that she never saw me perform one effect, never saw what my hands were destined to do. I said so while shuffling cards. I made up a trick that i thought would make her laugh, could she but see.

… and they laughed. And they gasped. And they wriggled a bit in delight.
The laugh exploded and crystallized into art. Laughter through tears.

A marine. (hard and sober)
A goth chick.
A rabbi.
A homeless man.
A homeless woman.
A college student.
A lawyer.
A superstar athlete.
And several anonymous souls
… have told me that I saved their lives with my words and my art.

Tonight I made a woman weep with my stories.
I reminded her of her son
Who died …
Laughter through tears.
“He would have loved this … thank you for being who you are.”

tonight I drove home.
And I put my instrument down (for now, not for keeps)
I took off my hat and i hung up my waistcoat
and I wrote this to you.

This … is who I am.

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Filed under poetry

Understanding

Let me try to explain: Those of us suffering from various forms and levels of depression aren’t wanting to be sad … We aren’t trying to be sad … We simply are sad.
I hear ‘Happiness is a choice’ quite often, and I don’t argue …. But believe me, if it were only that simple it’s the choice I’d make.
Sadness makes us make horrifying decisions, erodes and even destroys our treasured relationships and isolates us from those whose love and understanding we need the most.
When it is your heart’s desire to create and entertain, to live Art and spread joy …. the sadness can eat at you like cancer on your spirit.
I’m not trying to make any excuses; I’m simply hoping for understanding.

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Filed under Musings