Tag Archives: misogeny

Ugly Truth

There’s an ugly sentence in my head and it won’t leave me alone. I have to write it down. If it makes you mad, so be it. It’s been given to me for a reason. It’s going on the canvas.

DISCLAIMER: HEAVY, MATURE SUBJECT MATTER. Stop reading right now if easily offended. I’m not kidding.

I’ve struggled about writing this down. It’s kept me up all night, horrified at my own thoughts and yet knowing there’s a reason for what I’m about to write. Someone out there needs to read read this raw, ugly sentence.

Preface: every woman I know has been the victim of some form of misogyny, harassment, or straight up violence from men. Every. Woman. In decades past the milder (?) forms were laughed off as ‘boys will be boys’ and girls must be responsible for how they present themselves in public … and that’s a conversation I’ll happily have on another day. Today, though …

Every. Woman.
That’s terrible on the very face of itself. In my personal life I know of 4 good friends that are in abusive relationships. Some are violent, on occasion. Every single one of them makes excuses to stay with their spouse or partner. They cover up the bruises again, tell their friends and family that it can be fixed, that it won’t happen again, they will even go so far as to blame themselves. Maybe out of fear of loneliness, maybe not wanting to give up on the good things their partners are capable of. No one is ALL bad, right?

All of that for a simple sentence. One that occurred to me last night while reading about an old friend who finally got away from her abuser. You see, my mother was murdered by her abuser. He was clever enough in the execution that he got away with it. He got away with it. I’ve spent years trying to deal with that, and casting blame on myself for not doing … something. The truth was, there was nothing I could have done. I could not force her to leave. She made the choice to stay.
Every. Woman.

Here’s my horrible, ugly sentence.

My mother committed suicide; She did this by staying with her abusive husband until he eventually killed her.

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Two Cents

Sometimes a chord is struck and I have to put in a couple of pennies. The following are my opinions as a father of a boy and three girls. The opinion of a husband. These are my observations.

There’s been some controversial conversation regarding the rants of a misogynistic parasite and his views on women. For the record, these are the rules I taught my son:

If a woman is dressed in a scanty outfit in a club or a bar, she is not yours to grope, fondle or ogle. If she is in a tiny bikini on a beach, if she is dancing in a strip club: You do not have the entitlement to make sexual advances, comments or actions toward her.
She is not an object, she is a human being.

If you are on a third or fourth date with a woman, perhaps you’ve spent a lot of money in wooing her, she does not owe you anything. You do not have the entitlement to make sexual advances, comments or actions toward her if she is not in the same frame of mind.
She is not an object, she is a human being.

If you have been married to a woman for twenty-five years You do not have the entitlement to make sexual advances, comments or actions toward her if she is not feeling mutual. Her body is her own first and foremost.
She is not an object, she is a human being.

Sex is a mutual, intimate, agreed upon adult action. Physical or verbal abuse, mental intimidation or coercion have no place in a healthy sex life. It’s not a right, you are not entitled to it. It’s going to be painful sometimes, it’s going to feel humiliating to swallow your pride and walk away. But it is the right thing to do, the human thing to do.

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