Tag Archives: divorce

it’s just a car

Just a hunk of scrap metal now, really.

There’s an empty space in the street where my car used to be. A gift in a desperate time. Never gave me much trouble at all. Got me from here to there. I brought it with me from NC when my life changed.

One of the few ties I had, really.
A few minutes ago a man chained it up and drove it away. Forever.
Now there’s just an empty space. Except for some busted glass and plastic.

I guess I’ll get a little money from the insurance company.
And i have the memories of friends and lovers who rode with me on my adventures and quests.

And the ghost of the giant who used to drive it.

But right now all I see is the empty space.

Another loss in the tally-book.

It’s Dawn’s birthday, and there was snow there. I know that made her happy.

It’s just a car.
It’s just an empty space.

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Filed under poetry, Public Diary

March 7, 2018

And now, the bad news:

Monday morning I received a subpoena from Dawn’s attorney. This was for contempt of court hearing number 5.

The reason?

Because Wells Fargo took $2500 out of my account on February 15th due to old bad debt. The money was set aside to pay alimony and attorney fees. In addition a couple of show checks were chasing me around the country in search of my new address, and they were later than expected. So … I was late on February alimony and arrears. It was paid, it was just late. So they hit me with contempt.

On May 21, I have to appear in Mecklenburg county court to defend myself against criminal contempt charges. I will have to cancel two shows and come up with airfare. I can’t seem to make the opposing party understand that this will cripple my ability to pay my monthly due. I contacted the clerk of court about changing the date, but that was a no.

I just need a break from the persecution … and a few shows to get my momentum back.

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Self Blocking

I consulted friends on this and we all agree: there’s a story I want to tell, and it’s the truth, but it has potential to drive an even bigger wedge between me and my estranged children. They are all adults, and responsible for how they react to things, but fear has me stagnant.

I’m going to relate the entire story of the closing of Monday Night Tease from my perspective, and in doing so i must include a certain story, because it’s powerful and relevant and can help other people over their own hurdles. And it hurts me, still. I’m going to tell it. I just don’t usually struggle this hard with the keyboard.

Why am I afraid? I was accused of cheating (among many other things), it was read into the record in court that I had ‘multiple affairs in multiple cities with multiple women’ and it was presented without evidence, because it isn’t true. I was cornered by a friend during a wake and repeatedly pressured: “You can tell me. You cheated, didn’t you? It’s okay, I won’t say anything. Seriously. Seriously. C’mon, tell me, I’m your friend. Are you telling the truth? Really? Really? C’mon …” relentlessly until I had to forcibly remove myself. He would not accept my “No, I never cheated.”
No one from my former church family reached out to me. Not to get my side, not to comfort me, not even to say “I believe you’re guilty, but I care about you anyway. How can I help?” Not. One. No, they all believed the lies and rumors and I lost them.

Part of me fears the loss could happen again, but …

Shit. I’m a writer.

Damn the Torpedoes. Full Speed Ahead.

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Filed under Musings, Public Diary