To my children: I love you.
I’ve tried to write this often, but the time is now. This is my heart. Let me be clear.
I was there the moment each of you were born. Mine were the first hands that held you. I was the very first to see your faces. I provided for you, there was always a roof over your head, and food on the table, and clothes for you to wear. I purchased instruments and lessons and negotiated gigs and opportunities, because i believe in you and the arts you embrace. I remain your biggest fan. I sacrificed for you, turned down shows that would keep me away too long. I cherished watching you grow and learn … create and laugh and give laughter. We threw parties and a wedding that were epic in our celebration of life and love and each other. People were jealous of the overwhelming love that was in our house. You had two loving, caring parents who were always there for you, growing up.
Yes, I was away and often, living on my stage, pursuing my dream, and doing what my hands were meant to do. But I called and texted and made sure you knew that, wherever I was, I was loving you and thinking of you. I wanted to show you by example that dreams could be won, obstacles could be overcome, and love wins. We celebrated together, lifted each other when we needed … we were a House O’ Love.
Yes, at times I was an absolutely horrible husband. Yes, I failed you all at times as a father. I’m human, and when i make mistakes, they are usually as large as my triumphs.
I admire that you stand up for the person you love against what you perceive to be an egregious wrongdoing. I do – we taught you to stand in the gap for those you love. We taught you to stand up for anyone that needs and deserves defending, and I am truly proud of you for doing what you think is right and so adamantly. I cannot fault you for that.
Some of you have not spoken to me in over two years. That’s simply heartbreaking. Even if I am guilty of everything I’ve been accused of, even if …
Am I really unforgivable? Does it erase over two decades of the love we grew?
You will always be my children, and I will always love you, no matter what. That isn’t negotiable and will not change. I’ll be here for the rest of my life, waiting for you to get in touch. But I won’t keep begging you. That does none of us any good. So.
You can hold your grudge and be angry, and i will understand your anger and deal with the silence. You can continue to keep me out of your lives, and I will watch from over here and pray for you, and cheer for you. You can hold me at arms length and build your walls higher.
… or you could Love.