Monthly Archives: July 2019

An Apology

Who hurt you?

I know you were at the end of a long shift. I was taking the red-eye and my gate had changed three times and the plane was delayed twice and the people I was in line with were gruff and frustrated. For some reason you singled me out. Do I remind you of someone who was rude to you? A former friend? Someone who hurt you with words?

Who hurt you that you decided I should pay for it? Now … I don’t take it personally. You didn’t pat me down or even make eye contact during the twenty minutes we spent together. You unfolded all my clothes, opened every deck of cards, examined all the coins and various other props I was traveling with. Went through each pocket. You pulled cards out and flipped through them, spread them on your table seeking … something. You declared that the cards were ‘suspicious’ and told me I’d have to leave them or check the bag. Given that I had just a few minutes to get to my gate, mostly because of time I spent with you, I let you take them. Fifteen decks. Ten of them my favorite green monarchs … which run about ten bucks a pack. You left me with literally no recourse.

When you finished, you crammed all my things haphazardly into the suitcase and then broke the zipper trying to close it. Shrugging and smirking, you walked away. “I’ll let you take care of that” you said over your shoulder as you left.

Dismayed, I talked to your supervisor, who promised to look at the video, but wouldn’t take my name or any other information. One of your coworkers sheepishly wrapped my suitcase in packing tape to hold it closed.

Whoever hurt you and however they did it, I’m sorry. No one should be made to feel that bitter, because inevitably it gets passed down to someone else. I’m going to let it end with me, though. I’m putting these words out … not in anger or in frustration (those feels came and went) but as a caution. It’s so easy to pass hurt along, so breathe and maybe … don’t. Next time.

And … who hurt you? The nice lady who came up the aisle smiling until you saw you would be seated next to me. I was in my aisle seat and there was a lady in the window seat. None of me was spilling into your middle seat. I had the armrest comfortably down. Yet … you refused to sit next to me. Demonstrably. You summoned a flight attendant and demanded to be reseated “because just look at him!”. She declined. You made a scene. They found you a place, and I enjoyed an empty seat beside me for the flight. (Thanks?)

Am I so hideous? Was I scowling because of the earlier incident? Did I remind you of someone unpleasant?

Whatever it was … I’m sorry you were feeling that way. I hope your flight was better, wherever they put you.

I’ve purged my negative feelings over these incidents … hopefully today will rise above.

h

If you’d like to support this journey, please visit www.patreon.com/magicartist

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What’s Coming Up

Largely due to professional help and long, honest conversations with Sarah about art … I’m going to be more productive on the other arts I offer.

Blog, Podcasts, Video diaries, and more. Much more publicly.

Exercising creativity begets more creativity. I’m striving for excellence, and opening the sluice is the way to do it. It won’t all be silver, but it should be interesting. I hope you’ll watch what happens.

The Podcasts:
https://soundcloud.com/magicartist  The ongoing saga and viewpoints of an artist.

https://soundcloud.com/tinyspider Poetry and ASMR for relaxing bedtime listening.

Video Diary and Select Magic Moments:
https://www.youtube.com/user/HannibalGroup

To support these offerings …
www.patreon.com/magicartist
Venmo: @magicartist
PayPal: info@themagicartist.com

Yes, there are perks for being a Patron, but they are largely based on simple support. There will be exclusives, and some early gifts … but supporting the art is the focus. My humble thanks in advance.

I didn’t come this far to only come this far.
I’m glad you’re here.
I hope that there’s love where you are.

h

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First Kiss

Did I tell you this story already?
How we gravitated to each other in the parking lot of a diner? Suddenly swept up in passion and unable to resist. Lips and souls left tingling.
Stars overhead and glittering diamonds of broken glass under our feet?
Have I told you of all that followed and how everything in the world changed, right then and there?
Long ago, but not really … not in the grand scheme of things.
I still feel it.

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Birthday Wish

I wish I had remembered to forgive myself for things that weren’t my fault, and the things that were.

I wish I could’ve seen through the false intentions and scream to myself to run away.

I wish I could’ve known better than to be taken advantage of.

What I wish the most is that I would’ve been more kind to my heart for all the aches it weaved around itself like a defence mechanism. A scar so fresh it could barely stretch away.

I wish I could’ve known better than to carry it like a weight on my shoulders. A shadow underneath my whispers. A guilt that lingered with every passing and coming happiness. A void that fed on speculations of a mind that had wandered for days on end with no sleep to cloak over it with a peaceful mindfulness.

I wish I had become my own savior sooner.

I wish I would’ve acknowledged that I too am human and I too am flawed and that I too am capable of breaking hearts … even if that meant my own.

I wish I could go back to the day we met. I would have left her there.

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For the record

It was my fault.

Everything I had i lost because of my own actions.

Ain’t no one in here that’s left to blame but me.

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