“Everyone I love lives somewhere else
And I have time to look at myself ” ~ Marillion
I sat on her professional (not ridiculous) couch and talked about divorce and isolation and friends being weary of the same old sad song. “It’s okay.” she said, “You have a right to grieve in whatever sense you need. Being told ‘It will pass’ is simply too simplistic. You are in a very painful place and it’s okay to hurt. There are healthy ways to hurt.”
The gift in this is the time alone. the time to really quest deep into the long-unexplored recesses. Pull out my essence and value it for exactly what it is.
“So what if they think you are self serving and odd? You have spent most of your life trying to please someone else. Your parents, your family. Look for ways to please you. You cracked under trying to maintain your mask. Take it off and burn it – there’s a really good soul underneath. Not everyone is going to like it, but live for what you think is right, not what they tell you will be right for them.”
I keep seeing glimmers of the man I really am.
Art from pain, right? Christ, I need a genuine hug.
Grateful for the process. Grateful for the time to study. Grateful … just grateful.