Remember Who I Am.

I’m in therapy. Twice a week. I worked hard to find the right person and honestly? It was difficult. It was hell, at times. The Dr. tells me that it’s healthy progress to occasionally declare one’s positive mental assets. To brag, as it were.

I feel the need to do so. Click elsewhere if listening to bragging isn’t your bag, or if lightly colored language upsets you. I promise to the rest of you: I have good intentions and this will end with a gift for you.

My name is Hannibal. I am not my pain, I am not my depression. I’m not the voice in my brain that tells me I’m worthless. (Let’s label him “Randy”. Get it?) I’m the best I am…. I am the BEST I am at what I do. What do I do? I use my unique personality, skills, and experiences to save people. I’m the only me there is.

I’m Hannibal, or Mr. h if it pleases you. I’m Huckleberry to my best friend. #cardmonkey, magicartist, #gypsyboots …

Lately, I’ve forgotten the man that I am. Part of that was illness and subsequent medication, some of it was the ending of my marriage and my emptying nest …. and a big part was just me panicing. I forgot how important my heart is to me and subsequently to the outside world. I forgot … I forgot the face of my father.

I’m a great friend, when I remember to get over myself. To my dear friends that I’ve let down lately: I see the problem and I’m working on me. The process is slow, but both myself and my therapist are seeing progress. I’m going to stumble. I’m going to flat out fail occasionally. Please … it won’t last long and I will keep getting up.

Here I am.

Magician. I am strong and strong willed. I champion and defend love. I’m human, but I’m experienced, practiced and aware. I will overcome the darkness. I will roar and I will crow. I remember my damn name, now.

You can, too. You can breathe and live and you can save lives and change the world. Decide. Put your feet down and stand the hell up. Do what needs to be done. Breathe.

I love You, and I pray there’s Love where you are.

h

 

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