10. Because your neighbor’s wife deserves better than the backseat of some car.
9. As seen on COPS.
8. If we’d known you were staying all night, we’d have changed the sheets.
7. We left off the 9, but you know it’s there.
6. You rented the room, now buy the video.
5. Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn’t have money left over for the hooker.
4. We’ll leave out the Lysol for ya.
3. We don’t make the adultery. We make the adultery BETTER.
2. Cheap and easy, just like your sisters.
1. We put the Ho in Hotel.
The home of Gwyneth Paltrow was searched today by LA police. They found Cocaine and Amphetamines.
Her third child was not located.
This occured to me in church this morning. (You really need to check out Renovatus.)
Two of the top condoms on the market are Ramses and Trojan. Hmmm. I’m thinking the marketing departments didn’t really think these through.
Ramses: Couldn’t hold the Isrealites.
Trojan … infamous for a “gift” that got inside the city gates, then opened up to allow the enemies access.
When you climb into your bed tonight
And when you lock and bolt the door
Just think of those out in the cold and dark
‘Cause there’s not enough love to go around.
Now half the world hates the other half
And half the world has all the food
And half the world lies down and quietly starves
‘Cause there’s not enough love to go around
No there’s not enough love to go around.
Sympathy is what we need my friends
‘Cause there’s not enough love to go around.
So I’ve had this sweet deal at Harper’s restaurant for over 10 years now. When I started this career as a Magic Dude, I had limited options for making a living doing what I love and have been called to do.
I could pursue cruise ships, or comedy clubs or magic theaters (which were in proliferation in places like Atlantic City and Vegas in those days). This would have involved traveling and being away from the family for possibly months at a time, or uprooting them and moving them away from extended family and friends. No can do, said the Lord in our long conversations. There is an alternative, you just have to create it.
So I invented close up table magic in Charlotte. To be sure, there had been restaurant entertainers before me. Most of which involved twisting latex into amusing shapes. This (no matter what they say) is NOT magic. I overcame the principle arguments and proved my worth to a number of local eaterys.
My greatest “sell” of all was Harper’s at Southpark. They had an upscale feel and the kind of clientele that I desired for outside work. I worked hard and achieved a following of sorts. I had a place to be creative and pursue excellence. I am thankful to God for giving me this venue.
Zoom forward to the almost present. For just about a year now, I have been feeling stronger and stronger about moving on from this happy house of Harper’s. It’s not just that the atmosphere has changed somewhat. I think I just fear stepping away from a “sure thing” and embracing the path God is laying out ahead of me. So I pray and (sadly) have been ignoring the answers I have been getting.
Then came Sunday and the weekly Jon-A-Thon. Dagnabbit, Juan spoke directly to my fears and the stuggle I have been having. All I have been doing lately is stressing over the money and the bills and makin’ the bricks. And getting less and less straw to make ’em. Jonathan, if you are reading this – you really need to address the problems of the WHOLE congregation, and not just ME week after week.
So … I’m going to be cutting those ties in a very direct way. Heading out again into the desert and waiting for God to move in my craft. I’m excited about some of the projects that are on the way. I hope the blessing will not be mine alone.
Your prayers (as always) are coveted.
Despite fears that she would rise after three days, Anna Nichole Smith remains stone dead.
In the words of the coroner she is “remarkably well preserved”, however.
Random notes on my Vegas trip:
I sat next to a man I don’t know for 5 hours, hip to hip. Neither one of us tried to make conversation.
Vegas looks great – from a distance. Like the Emerald city before the glasses come off. Up close it looks very plastic and cheap.
In speaking to a Vegas cop: “Prostitution isn’t legal – but we don’t arrest anyone for it. Public drunk will get you escorted back to your room.” “Then what is an arrestable offense?” … “Littering.”
Whole families on the street, pimping. Handing out flyers for escorts, strippers … Dad, Mom and the kids. Oh, and Grandma too.
It’s brighter at night than during the day.